Superhuman Powers

Ever want to have superhuman powers? Here are some that no one should want:
1) Being able to teleport at any time, but only to the space one inch directly to the right and down of your current position, and only during regular business hours.
2) Being able to go back in time, but only 5 minutes and nine seconds, and only by running full speed due west for exactly 5 minutes
3) Being able to freeze urine with your mind
4) Being able to fly at will, but limited in speed to one inch per hour
5) Having X-Ray vision, but not being able to turn it off
6) Able to manipulate Astatine at will (the world's most rare element, only 30 MG in the earth's crust)
7) Able to summon fireballs, lightning bolts, and waves of water, but only in a complete vacuum.
8) Manipulate people's minds to change their preference between ice cream flavors
9) Change your complete appearance to any comic book character, but without their super powers, and only the villians
10) Able to run 100 miles per hour, but only in teddy bear bedroom slippers and matching footie pajamas with a buttflap (and nothing else)
11) Able to seduce any woman, but they are only attracted to you while they are actively whistling
12) Know the answer to every question asked by other people, but not having any arms, legs, or mouth.
13) Having an inherent understanding of how everything works but being unable to stop explaining it in extreme detail to anyone in the vicinity.
14) Reading people's thoughts but being forced to admit anything that you find in their brain back to them.
15) Manipulate fire, but only if you were touching it with your naked skin and was not able to give yourself protection from the heat.
16) Incredibly happy all the time, no matter what happened
17) Able to speak all languages, but not able to understand yourself or other people speaking them
18) Able to leap tall buildings with a single bound, but not able to protect yourself from damage when hitting the ground
19) Able to see, hear and understand ghosts, all people ended up being ghosts, and they could not see, hear or understand you.
20) Convince anyone to root for the Oreoles within a minute of having a conversation with them.
21) Record any conversation you have or book you've read and play it back verbatim in belches and/or farts
22) Have a square inch of unreplicatble, fireproof, radioactive-proof skin.
23) Live in a world in which you have regular intelligence, but everyone else is ridiculously stupid
24) Living forever but the rest of the human race dies
25) Having someone gift you all of batman's stuff except his money and good looks, but not providing instruction manuals or being able to find anyone to get anything repaired.
26) Having giant gun arms but not being able to find ammunition for them
27) The power to conceive a child every time you have any physical contact with anyone, regardless of protection or other person's ability to conceive.
28) Turn water into cheap-tasting White Zin.
29) The ability to turn sugar into beef
30) The ability to fall into a deep sleep unaided and instantaneously for 30 seconds
31) Turn the air you breathe in and out to be incredibly toxic, but unable to give yourself protection against it.
32) Give yourself a migraine headache on command
33) Be able to convince people you're in perfect health regardless of your condition.
34) Your hair grows at an incredible rate all over your body except for your head
35) You're invisible. All the time
36) You can hear things that happen very far away, but everything up close is incredibly loud.
37) Your hunger knows no bounds
38) Darkness is like daylight to you, but so is daylight
39) You have the power to turn humans above the age of 80 into pigs or goats, depending on their gender
40) You have all the powers of superman, but so does everyone else
41) You can instantly pull the skin off your body but not put it back on
42) You can eat foods without gaining an ounce, but have no control over which foods or when your power is active.
43) You have superhuman strength, but can't adjust the amount of pressure you exert.
44) No one recognizes or remembers you
45) Everything turns to mud when you touch it
46) You can turn things into aluminum
47) You can see through muscle but not skin
48) You have a credit card that never runs out of credit but it weighs 4 thousand pounds.
49) You can scream forever
50) Every domestic or feral animal is attracted to you